Dear Abbey: I love my wife very much, but unfortunately we have communication / interpretation problems. She is curious and asks a lot of questions. Be defensive when asked. Sometimes I feel it shows a lack of confidence and trust in me. My wife says I’m too sensitive.
You may guess that there are no negative tones, or you may believe that your perception is correct. Sometimes she doesn’t want to accept an answer that doesn’t match her idea. She comes from a family and it is common to correct each other, no matter how small. She’s an educator, so in a way it’s part of her job.
My wife doesn’t seem to be able to use alternative phrases that are unlikely to provoke a defensive reaction. Whenever we confront over this, I seem to be the one who must justify. When I try to explain my feelings, it only makes things worse. The more aggressive I choose, the more escalation it brings. I am independent, strong and have a candid spouse. How can I thicken my skin so that I don’t feel like I’m guessing it again every time? When should I speak up? -Texas misunderstanding
Dear misunderstanding: Now is a good time to speak. Tell your wife (educator) that you feel second guessed every time you do so, and a licensed marriage that allows you to improve your communication skills. It’s time to ask for the help of a family therapist. If she is happy, it may help your marriage. If she isn’t, help me determine if you’re really “too sensitive” without her.
Dear Abbey: My best friend, who knows most of my life, has a 7-year-old grandson. The boy “Cody” is spoiled and rude, making unpleasant comments to adults. They plan to visit us on weekend nights when I want to relax with my wife. While they are here, Cody loads sugar and peeks into the room, picking up fragile objects while watching our reaction. He also does gymnastics and runs around while he is here. He makes sneaky comments to us when my friends encourage and find it interesting. How do I tell him that his grandchildren are no longer welcomed as much as I love my friends? -Riddle
Dear conundrum: Did you think Cody may have more serious problems than the sugar topic? The behavior you describe can be a symptom of ADHD and / or learning disabilities. If Cody has not been evaluated by a medical professional, he should be evaluated. If you really love this friend, suggest it and tell him why. If he ends your relationship for it, you are no longer exposed to Cody’s unfortunate behavior. On the other hand, if my concerns are right, you can change the boy’s life better because he doesn’t just act in your home.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Contact Dear Abbey www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.
Dear Abbey: Couples Wrestle With Communication Collapse | Lifestyle
Source link Dear Abbey: Couples Wrestle With Communication Collapse | Lifestyle